To say I’ve missed The Walking Dead while it has been on hiatus is an understatement. There are other shows I follow faithfully, and love tremendously, but few as much as The Walking Dead. This recent separation anxiety caused me to wonder about what things I would miss should a zombie apocalypse actually happen. So, in anticipation of this Sunday’s triumphant return of The Walking Dead, I present my list.
- Orange juice. I live in the North East US, so fresh-picked oranges aren’t exactly a luxury we enjoy up here. Just imagine never again having a cold refreshing glass of OJ in the morning.
- Coffee. Sorry folks, imports aren’t going to keep on coming in. Eventually that oh-so-critical life-giving brown liquid millions of people crave like crazed… well… zombies… isn’t going to be around forever. Imagine that. More horrible than the zombies themselves!
- Fast food. Chances are the days of McDonald’s, Taco Bell, and KFC would be numbered after the outbreak. Fast food is poison, this is just fact, but it is delicious and convenient. After the zombies come you’ll never have a juicy Big Mac or 7-layer burrito again. It’s back to farming folks.
- Internet pornography. Look, the internet has but one purpose. Porn. Yeah world news is nice, and social media is pretty cool. But in reality, the vast majority of internet traffic is a combination of Netflix and porn.
- Television. Here I’m including broadcast TV, cable, movies, and web shows. I’ll miss it all. It’s such a great form of entertainment. Just think, no more Doctor Who, Sherlock, Star Wars, Game of Thrones, or The Walking Dead!!!
- Ice. It’s pretty awesome!
- Road Trips. While there may be some minor traveling after the zombies dig themselves out of the ground (or escape from the lab) I don’t think long-distance travel is going to be as popular as it is now. With bridges and tunnels closed, massive traffic jams along every major road, rapidly deteriorating roads at that, it looks like everyone’s probably going to stay put for the most part. Besides foot-travel to gather supplies and get around on a small scale, you’re not going anywhere.
- Hygiene. Keeping oneself relatively sweet-smelling and grime-free is going to become a challenge. First priority with any potable water is to keep it for drinking. Bathing is going to become a luxury, along with washing your hair, brushing your teeth, and keeping all your stanky bits up to code. It’s going to get gross real quick. I suggest hoarding deodorant and AXE body spray. It’s going to be worth a lot when we return to a barter system.
- Beer, Liquor, and tobacco. Speaking of consumables, people will be quitting all their vices cold turkey, or close to it. I imagine that the first few months after the dead start giving us trouble will be a mix of terror, confusion, and hyper-consumption of all vice-related consumables. The beer will all go bad pretty quick, and that’s when everyone turns to the hard stuff. I see a massive loss of total remaining liquor before it eventually evens out and becomes a prized rarity. As for tobacco, get ready to smoke stale cigarettes and cigars until that’s all gone…
image source: [thezombienation]