Putting aside for a second the obvious thing everyone would do upon obtaining a time machine, namely set in motion a “getting rich” scheme, what would be some of the more interesting uses for a time machine?

  • Go to my favorite scotch distillery, procure a dozen or so barrels, put them someplace secure, travel 1000 years into the future and enjoy 1000-year old scotch!  Then, travel another 1000 years into the future, enjoy, and repeat the process ad naseum.
  • Go throughout history taking really bad people out of their time (a la the Tesselector in Doctor Who) and host gladiatorial-style games in the future where they all fight to the death.  The winner still gets really badly tortured because they deserve it!
  • Prevent Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, Kanye West, the Kardashians, and Joe Buck from ever being born!
  • Prevent Episodes I, II, and III from ever being made.
  • Be there just in time to save Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and Jimi Hendrix.
  • Stuff Yoko in a burlap sack and toss her in the East River right before meeting John.
  • Give the plans for a GPS system, a smart phone, and a 3D printer to NASA around 1969.
  • Steal all the intellectual property from Mark Zuckerberg, because I think he deserves it.  Keep 10% of the profits for myself, and then sign away the rest to NASA, as well as to the research of diseases.
  • Literally murder the idiots responsible for canceling Earth 2, Firefly, Caprica, and Legend of the Seeker.
  • See the following movies on opening night:
  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
  • The Wizard of Oz
  • Alien
  • Braveheart (favorite movie…just never saw it in theaters)
  • Star Wars
  • Close Encounters of the Third Kind
  • The Dark Crystal
  • King Kong
  • Throw a huge party on the day prohibition was repealed.
  • Take a copy of the Mona Lisa back to Leonardo da Vinci and convince him to put eyebrows on her.  Then go right back to where I left from and see if anyone has ever even heard of it.
  • Go to the sites of famous photographs and place obviously out-of-time objects in the photos.  Really strange things, Pokemon toys, cardboard cutouts of famous modern celebrities, books about the subjects in the photos, a Toyota Prius, bottles of Crystal Pepsi, put shirts on dogs that say “time traveler”.
  • Follow Houdini around for a while and go to all his shows.
  • Use a fart machine pretty much everywhere throughout history.  How could that get old?